Now I've really done it...

It's way to much to try and catch up so I'll do something very social work and just meet myself "where I am."

Yesterday I started my second year internship. I chose something difficult on purpose. It sounded like a good idea last spring when I was selecting the placement.  Remind me of that, please, that I did this to myself.

So here I am at an inner city hospital's outpatient psychiatric department. Sitting in a room with another social work student and two psychology students.  Day one and the psych students have to drop some condescending comments about social workers and our training. Really? Alrighty, if this is how the real world goes, bring it, psych. I can take you.

I have my own office. Well, its mine on the three days I'm there.  I share it with someone who must be an amazonian resident.  It seems she likes to type standing up so the keyboard is lifted up on a stand and the monitor is on the top shelf of the desk.  That will obviously change on my days or I'll need a step stool just to reach. It is a small space so my client and I will be very, uh, cozy. No cover or protection of distance for either of us.I'll need to check with my tall office mate and see if a couple of pictures and a plant are okay.  I'd like to make the space a little less sterile office and a little more me.  Early institution isn't my favorite design style.

After a couple of mind numbing hours of orientation about mandatory reporting, consent and Tarasoff rules (notification of a threat to individuals) just to name a few topics, my brain was just too full to take in much more.  That's when my supervisor handed me three charts. In each there was one flimsy over xeroxed paper with some handwritten notes -- yes, this department still uses hand written forms and notes -- which had a patient's name and a couple of lines describing their issues that bring them to counseling.

My first patient is next week. NEXT WEEK. The first one said, "anger issues" and "domestic violence." I don't even remember what the others said.  I have two patients on one day and another one the next week. Starting slow, which is so very good since my goal, I understand, is to get 17 patients scheduled in a week in the hope that 12 actually show up.  That is a plethora of patients.  Is it possible that any human can actively listen empathetically (is this a word?) that much in a day?  I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm eager to jump in and I'd like to wait.  This is the real deal. These are real people with real life problems. More than likely I will be very different from my clients in many ways. According to my training, my job is to acknowledge all of those differences and use the conflict to the therapeutic advantage. I think this will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Probably the most rewarding too, but not in the beginning.  What have I gotten myself into?

God, how I miss the theatre right now.