We all deserve the perfect fit

Tonight was the Professional Apprentice showcase.  We have six apprentices who bust their butts all season long doing the dirty work of the theatre and this is basically their final project.  It was wonderful.  It was a cross between a parody of the staff and the various jobs they are forced to perform, and some serious introspection on their experience as an apprentice.

I will always have a connection to this apprentice class as we basically started together.  Actually, I started before them, yet they know so much more than me. 

This is a class of six very different women who have endured hard work, long hours (for real, they regularly work 53 hour weeks unless they are the assistant stage manager on a show when they work 63 hour weeks) and about 15 different supervisors with 15 different styles and demands.

On a regular basis they shlep, they lift, they haul, they scrub, they house manage, work in the box office, file, do data entry, file more, clean up any and all gross messes, change light bulbs of every shape and size, assist props, climb ladders, hang lights and then get down to the real grunt work whatever that may be. They are the lowest rung on the totem pole and they work that rung in every department of the theatre.  That is the training.  They learn everything.  They learn they can do anything, be anything and solve any problem.

When they start they are given the boot camp speech.  Give yourself over to us and in the end you will be better for it.  Literally, they are told this. For the right fit, the program is awesome.  For the right fit, the program delivers in the end.

They do this performance twice and tonight was the second and final show.  I had heard how wonderful the showcase was, and it was totally true.  These six women did it.  They survived.  They leaned on each other and made it through. And they delivered a funny, poignant, personal performance piece on top of everything else.

I was so proud and even a little teary tonight.  Of the six of them, I feel like I know three of them well.  All three have had some bumps along the way, one almost didn’t make it… because of the fit. Because of boot camp.  Because of giving yourself over entirely with some vague promise at the end.

I know the feeling.  Do I fit? 

I feel like I’ve been through boot camp.  I already learned the lesson that I’m tougher than I knew.  I was lucky enough to find out that I’m smarter than I gave myself credit for and that I have real and tangible skills.  So when a job asks you to put everything aside for the good of the organization and promises to deliver later, the question is, can you believe it?  For these young women, just out of college, the promise was fulfilled.  But the slate was fairly clean.

Am I resisting a good thing and standing in my own way, as the prevailing philosophy would have me believe, or do I trust my gut and think this isn’t the perfect path for all levels of the organization?  Or maybe I’m just not the right fit.  It is hard to tell and even harder not to fall prey to some inner voice full of doubt.

So while I watched these amazing women perform tonight, I couldn’t help but think of all that they’d been through and all they have ahead of them.  Then I wonder what’s ahead of me.  I don’t know what my next chapter looks like.  I only know there is another chapter coming. I am open to suggestions and ideas.  Hell, help a sister out, you plan my life.  I’m always amazed that most of you know things about me far sooner that I figure them out. Fine, so I’m little slow.   I generally get there sooner or later. It is the journey that’s important, right?

So cheers to new chapters and all that lies ahead for both the young and the not so young.  We all deserve the perfect fit.