there but the grace of god....

Today, I'm sad.  Today is my friend Ginny's birthday.  Ginny passed away a year ago.  If you look back, I wrote a blog about her last October.  She is still around me although she has yet to come visit.  She told me that if she was able, she would visit.  I'm still waiting.  There are shows on TV that bring her to me so clearly I have to laugh out loud.  I won't tell you what they are because they were embarrassing to both of us.

So today I celebrate her and her amazing daughters.  We keep in touch on Facebook.  Its not a deep connection, but its there and its almost daily.  My farm would be nothing without them.  :-)  Ginny tried FB but it was just too much for her.  That made me laugh too, she just couldn't figure out the whole mechanics of it, so she bailed. But when it came time to make some really hard decisions, I will always be amazed by the strength and elegance of that woman. I am still in awe of her today.  She would tell me at this point to quit sucking up, that she'll visit if she can.  Deal, though at this point, I'd hardly call it sucking up.

I feel her so strongly today not only because its her birthday but because of a patient we have.  This is a young woman who is so seriously ill.  She is allergic to everything that goes in her body.  Even foods that are work for her for a little while, turn bad.  She is like the canary in the mine for everything.  Her mom hugs someone wearing perfume first thing in the morning and when she gets home, the patient has an allergic reaction even with the mom leaving the jacket outside.  She smells things, tastes things, feels things, when no one else can. 

I am struck by her strength and courage while her own body is betraying her.  I am struck by the sheer grit and determination of her mother who has not left her side through this battle.  By the number of mothers and caregivers who give up everything to help our patients through those times when, though no one believes there's anything wrong, they stand by.  While they are disrespected and contradicted, dismissed and patronized.  We hear the stories all the time.  And the worse off the patient, the worse the treatment can be.  When did doctors and health care professionals get the right to decide if they believe you or not? This patient has reams of tests to show her symptoms but not an easy name to wrap it all up.  But she fights.  Nothing gets her to rally just a bit like a doctor who interrupts her story or tells her what she should be feeling.

But how are these two connected you wonder.  By their strength.  By their determination to live by their rules.  Our patient doesn't have a lot of leeway but her strength is amazing to me,  This is a young woman (and her mom) who have made a difference in my world just by not giving up. 

Ginny made a difference in my world for so many reasons.  And in the end, she didn't give up either.  She made choices, her choices.  I tip my hat to both of them.  I can only hope that strength exists inside of me somewhere -- and that I'll never need to find out.

Peace and love to all of you.  Send your thoughts, good wishes, prayers to any who are struggling. 

And to Ginny, happy birthday old girl.  I hope there's a party where ever you are!

Hannah