food as memory

It all started at the supermarket.  Its where a lot of good trouble often starts.  Its a Whole Foods-esque kind of place.  Its called Frresh Market, I think.  I just know where it is.  Its right on the water in Coconut Grove so its pretty and a nice place to visit.  Anyway, I was shopping and perusing the premade food section when I saw it. Stuffed cabbage.  At this point, I probably have expended more energy on the topic than if I had just bought a piece and been done with it. But no, I decided I had to revisit my childhood.

My mother didn't make stuffed cabbage often.  In fact, I only really remember it a few times, but somehow it left an impression.  I've been cooking more of late and I thought I would try my hand at it.

First think I did was look up a recipe on line.  In my family we called it Procass. (PROCK-us).  The recipe I found was for Holishkes.  I think its the same dish replicated over and over throughout the various jewish, slavic, eastern european communities... each with a different twist and a different name.

Then, when in doubt, email the family.  I emailed my cousin and my sisters and got different responses.  Did we all grow up in the same family?  And of course the answer to that is a resounding NO.  The difference between my two older sisters and their growning up world was markedly different than the one my sister just above me and I inhabited.  But that's a WHOLE different story.

Back to stuffed cabbage. So finally I went to expert.  My mom.  When I told her what I'd come up with she snorted and said no, no, no. I have a recipe somewhere.  I'll send it to you.

So then I started wondering about my mom and cooking in general. 

My mom never loved to cook.  She clearly ( and sucessfully) cooked to feed us. She didn't enjoy it.  She wasn't creative or adventurous about it. She was totally utilitarian.  My aunt was a good cook. from what I remember of our family Friday night dinners, but also not adventurous or super creative.  So how did this happen?  Was my grandmother a good cook?

I loved to visit the moms who cooked a whole spread for their families.  Multiple main courses, side dishes galore, fancy desserts.  Now don't be fooled.  I never wanted for food in my life. But somehow it was different. If I really think about it.  Most of those fancy cooking moms were not jewish.  Is there meaning there?  What is it?  Does this affect world peace?  Never mind....

It wasn't until I went away to college that I realized that mashed potatoes came from actual potatoes.  Go figure.  I only knew of the box.

When I found Hellman's mayonaisse, wow.  Who knew?  In my house it was imitation diet something or another.  Same for butter. We never had real butter at home. Was I traumatized?  No.  Did I suffer?  No.  But were my own cooking skills stunted by all of this, well, that might be a big fat, maybe.

While my mom was in grad school and working full time, my sister and I would take turns cooking.  Dinah was a good cook, always adventurous and creative.  Me, well I cooked so much Tuna Helper in those days that I won't touch hot tuna fish if would win me a million dollars.  Okay, well, maybe a million...

Anyway, I"m doing better of late.  Something about working from home this last year inspired me to cook.  I've made briskets, whole chickens, a turkey and all the trimmings for Thanksgiving and numerous baked items.  I can do a mean lasagne thanks to Loretta and pretty kick-ass meatloaf thanks to Ellie.  Most recently was a very well received apple crisp!  I've tinkered and toyed with Cumin and Curry, rosemary and Thyme.  I've cooked any number of veggies in any number of ways -- some coming out better than others.  But that's the fun of it.  Sometimes you hit a home run and sometimes you're lucky if you can still eat it!  I've found interesting recipes in the bizarrest of places but what the hey, a good recipe is a good recipe.  I've learned to throw ingredients together and use a juice or a fruit or everything at once!

So this weekend, with all my familial in history in tow.  I think I'll make stuffed cabbage.  I'll let you  know how it turns out.  If  you're around, stop by and try some.