The Human Interaction

June has been quite the month for interesting interactions. As I near the end of the month I'm not even sure where to start or even if I should try.

This month brought me into contact with someone not close to me but connected to me in a way. She passed away last August or September and it took a full 10 months to sort through some legal hurdles to be able to visit her house and her things. Once there I was assaulted by a myriad of emotions. This person was my father's girlfriend. His partner, I guess is accurate, although somehow I never thought of her that way. Maybe that's part of the story. My father passed almost 17 years ago so that is a chapter that had been closed for some time. Two of my sisters and I visited the house and were met with literally unbelievable circumstances. This woman, who by all accounts presented a perfectly normal face to the world, lived in an other worldly way. She lived like a homeless person in that house. I'm going to spare you -- and myself -- the details of what we encountered but suffice it to say that I was so sad to visit this place that had been my father's home and the home of someone important to him. Did we let him down somehow? Did we let her down? Its far too complicated to explain these relationships and I already have the slight feeling of airing family's dirty laundry and that isn't my goal. What I want to know is how can we help people who don't want to be helped? How was anyone to know how she was living if she let no one in. I can only assume that's the case since that's how she dealt with us and her own family.

At the house we met a young man who is her cousin. I'm not sure if he ever met her or if it was just many, many years ago but can you even imagine? Coming to a house of a relative recently passed and finding... .that? He asked us if there were any pictures of her. Ultimately, we were able to find some but then there's that whole awkward situation of trying to explain our connection or lack thereof. Had it been me in his shoes, I would have been seething inside trying to figure out how we, the sisters, could have let this happen. How do you explain honoring some one's choice for distance and space, even if it turns out to have been a bad one. Does any of this make any sense?

On my way home to Miami, my plane was delayed for 5 hours sitting on the tarmac. I expected people on the plane to be outraged, grumpy, angry, mean and everything in between. Having worked with the public and read enough news of folks locked on planes, I was prepared for the worst -- and was pleasantly surprised. People were friendly, jovial, helpful. Moms with kids walked up and down the aisle to keep them engaged. Even when the airline passed out cups of water and one measly cookie, people found the humor and shared what they'd brought with them. I watched passengers swap books having finished their own nothing to read. Many of us updated Facebook. checked email and even worked as we sat. We had mechanical difficulties at the gate, mechanical difficulties on the plane, weather delays and finally in an ironic end to a bizarre day -- the pilot's flying time had run out and we had to return before we ever left. As we re-entered the Philly terminal a gate agent asked where we were coming from -- in a crazy kind of unison we all answered PHILADELPHIA! What made that group of people willing to endure in positive way when so often there's a jerk or a groups of jerks that is convinced acting out and up will achieve some sort of desired result?

Its easier to be angry and cranky in most situations. Its more fulfilling to act like a jerk to a service person but what does it get us? I try and remember this when I'm faced with those moments. When I need to blow off steam and let loose but still know that dumping on someone else may not only not help... but may actually hurt my ultimate goal. I remember that clearly as the one getting dumped on at the theatre. I would go out of my way to help the "nice" ones. But I digress again. What makes one group of people lean over to that "glass half full " camp and another fall squarely in the "half empty" crowd?

Finally I recently attended the NOW conference in Indianapolis at the request of some very dear friends. There was a bitterly contested election at hand and I was asked to lend my skills and knowledge. Bitterly contested is an understatement. Friends and former allies were pitted against one and another and it was as close as possible. Lots of dramatic, dire statements were made many an activist lost their cool. In the end, my team won by eight votes. Far too close for my comfort in any kind of decision. But why have I told you this, because yet again it was a fascinating exploration of human nature. Our team brought together a hugely diverse group of people supporting an ideal or concept. There were various motives, but all had gathered for one goal. We were the underdogs and what we lacked in advance organizing (our candidates only announced 4 weeks ago) we made up for in grit, determination and skill.

Now that the election is over there are hurt feelings all over the place. I've never really understood the Ted Kennedy/Orrin Hatch ability to fight like dogs on the floor of the Senate and then go off for lunch or a game of golf -- and yet I wish we (women) could be just a bit more like that. I'm not sure that I could ever go from extreme to extreme like that. I am nothing if not committed to my principles, but we have to find a way to disagree, fight and win or lose, come back to the table. Sure, its easy for me to be magnanimous, I was on the winning side. But this isn't the first time -- and I'm sure it won't be the last -- that I have these feelings. These are good skills to have. The ability to work together. To muster that poker face and find common ground. We're all the worse for it if we don't.

One thing I learned at this conference is that we've all gotten older. Man, I worked my butt off and that's with the use of cell phones, computers everywhere, text messaging, etc. Its a good thing I can't remember how hard we worked, physically, to elect Patricia back in 1992. I wouldn't have gone!!! It took a bit longer to recover this time too. Ah well, while the body slows, I'm going for this wisdom thing, see how that works out.

I learned one more thing at this conference. Approach anything in life as a NOW action and I can't handle it, no problem. So watch out Chronic Fatigue Clinic. The time has come. We've planned and plotted and planned some more. Its time for action. Its time for a NOW action, Chronic Fatigue style. Get ready, cause this one's gonna be good.